Male or female or…?
So what do they mean, those gendered words? Boy or man, girl or woman? It seems like that mean several things all at once. Boy is hugely subjective depending on who says it to who. In our day and age, many have debated on the meaning of MAN, let alone woman. So what about trans* girls and trans* boys? And, if I may, what about genderqueer?
Their meaning is relative to the individual. Personal identity is informed in a big way by associated gender. But to what extent does biological sex affect personal identity? How far do we, as a society, have a duty to respect a person’s identity? Surely we can determine preferred pronouns. Consider that many trans* individuals suffer gender dysphoria (perhaps all?). This is a person who is in a state of unhappiness. Surely we can extend a comforting hand. We can respect and love anyone for one simple reason. All people deserve that.
Now, trans* is a very inclusive term. The focus is generally on those transitioning with hormones, although trans* applies to anyone who feels like they were born in the wrong body (and we should remember and respect that). This is all very PC and lovely. And even better, to anyone who notices a mistake in my breakdown, please correct me. Now, on to something I know a lot more about.
My line of inquiry comes from my own sexuality. There is something that keeps coming to my mind. It harkens back to the sexual orientation of males. Gay or straight or bi or anything else you like. Is it the same thing when a gay guy puts on women’s clothing as when a straight guy does? Does it imply submissiveness (which sounds kinda sexist, actually) or that he’s a bottom? I suspect that the truth might be pretty simple. Some crossdressers aren’t interested in BECOMING female so much as being femme.
Thus comes my last question. What is the psychological un-pinnings of wanting to be feminine, but not necessarily wanting to be female? When someone that identifies as male wants to be girly, doesn’t that indicate they want to be like-a-girl? But not actually a girl? Is is possible to divorce those concepts?
I really don’t know.
But since pronouns and gender so important to identity, it’s worth taking a look at the words themselves. Girly, like a girl, means roughly the same thing as girlish. From that, compare it to thuggish or thug-like. Someone that demonstrates thug-like qualities. Or how about someone that demonstrates Christian-like qualities? Being thug-like indicates that person is a thug, except thug is a one-dimensional view of a complex human being (all humans are complex). The same goes for the Christian who is Christian-like (of course they are), but that’s hardly ALL they are.
Back to girly/girlish/girl-like. Girl (or really, Female) goes way beyond character traits. It’s a cultural and biological mash-up. Is a Christian girl a Christian first, or a girl first? So we have boy/man/male who wants to be girly, yet is just fine being a boy. And sure, why not? It’s just a fucking adjective. There’s the girly guy, the girly dude, the girly man, and (my favorite terminology, for a reasons I don’t understand) the girly boy. These adjective/noun combinations seems to preclude actually being a girl. A girly boy is, according to the noun, a BOY first. That is the identity. The adjective is merely a description.
Well, that cleared everything up, didn’t it?
…right?
addlerotica 
You raise an interesting question and I agree with you about the adjective/identity thing. Sometimes I don’t know what labels to apply to myself and if they even matter. Technically I’m a bi woman married to a straight cisman (or maybe pansexual is probably a more accurate descriptor for myself, since I’m not strictly attracted to people who identify as male or female), but I’m inwardly trans* and I do suffer from gender dysphoria and identify mentally as male. Not a lot of people know that, though, and with my marriage things get complicated. And my feelings about it all are probably something that would have to be worked out with a counselor or something. It’s heavy stuff.
LikeLike
Inwardly trans* is an interesting thought. I don’t mean to be a jerk when I ask this (so ignore if it bothers you), but doesn’t that essentially make you trans*?
I think it’s very difficult to actually accept the trans* label. It requires a great deal of thought. One of my tumblr friends (previously kittiboi and now kittigurl) was the inspiration for this. I looked for it, but her post seems to have disappeared after she transitioned. She was comfortable being male, at first, but then she seemed to accept the inward gender.
I follow a lot of really great transfolk on tumblr (including kittigurl who is amazing and wonderful and posts the most thoughtful things on tumblr). I see the struggles and pain that comes with it. Realistically, coming out as trans* can be devastating. I wonder, how does one come to the decision to transition?
Heavy stuff indeed. Thanks for provoking some more thoughts.
LikeLike
Oh, yes, I do identify as trans*. I worded it badly. I basically meant that it’s not an openly known fact to the majority of people in my life. I’m not out to my family and such. Some people know (like Melanie and my closest friends), but, for instance, my husband is not aware. I didn’t come to terms with it until we were several years into our marriage, and, frankly, I don’t know how he’ll take it or if he’d be able to accept it or if it would lead to the downfall of our marriage. So… yeah, it’s not a decision I can make lightly, as it likely will cause some devastation for all of us. And part of me wonders, if I right now have no plans to transition (which might eventually change, who knows), does he even need to know? Even identifying as trans* I’m still bi and attracted to him, so it’s not as if *I* would want our relationship to end. I just worry he wouldn’t be able to accept it/me if he knew. And it’s a sometimes soul-crushing secret to keep.
LikeLike
❤
LikeLike